When Wanting Counts as Depth: How Male Yearning Became a Cultural Craze
- Hai-Ching Wang
- 2 days ago
- 5 min read
Somewhere on TikTok, a man is staring out a rain-soaked window. “He yearns,” the caption reads, as a Phoebe Bridgers song swells in the background. In the comments, hundreds of people lose their minds over the emotional depth of a guy who has not, by any means, said a single word. Welcome to today’s cultural moment, where longing — gentle, aesthetic, preferably accompanied by soft lighting — has become the hottest trait a man can have.
Although the archetype of the “male yearner” is not a recent thing, with historical precedents in the Greek god Dionysus, and classic examples like Fitzwilliam Darcy from Pride and Prejudice, Heathcliff from Wuthering Heights, and Jay Gatsby from The Great Gatsby, recent releases in pop culture have brought back what could be considered the “comeback” of these wistful, tortured characters.
Harper’s Bazaar, for example, published an article titled “An Exhaustive List of the Best Hopelessly Yearning Men in Fiction” in July of 2025, just as season 3 of The Summer I Turned Pretty was released. By highlighting characters ranging from Laurie in the 2019 adaptation of Little Women and Noah from The Notebook, author Chelsey Sanchez notes that there is an undeniable attraction to the “specific breed of man whose ability to contain his desire for the story’s heroine is laughably low.”
Record-breaking tracks like sombr’s “back to friends” and “12 to 12” have become the new anthems of male yearning, often paired with TikTok edits of pop culture characters that fit the “male yearner” archetype. Moreover, releases like Bridgerton and The Summer I Turned Pretty played exceedingly well with social media, cultivating widespread popularity for yearning men who openly display desire for their on-screen love interests. For Gen Z, the male yearner is a refreshing break from the nonchalant, emotionally impassive norm often associated with modern masculinity, offering an indirect access into intimacy.
The rise of the male yearner could be attributed to the three-year social gap left by the Covid-19 pandemic, which fundamentally reshaped how people interacted in social scenes. As author Isabella Camargo best words it in her article, people experienced an “unspoken presence that stood between people and their emotions” after the pandemic, which made emotional depth seem unattainable and even uncomfortable. With young adults spending years isolated at home and glued to the screens, emotional connection became something observed rather than practiced. Subsequently, many young adults today prefer to stay at home for entertainment rather than attending social activities. It is no surprise, then, that only 56% of Gen Z adults have been in teenage relationships, and only 38% of young adults are regular drinkers. These statistics are potential evidence of how the modern generation has lost the desire to socialize or be in public environments in comparison to previous generations.
But this vacuum created the perfect conditions for yearning to flourish. When real intimacy became harder to access, imagined intimacy became more appealing. People didn’t just want romance; they wanted the fantasy of being deeply seen and desired without the awkwardness and unpredictability of actual relationships. The “yearning man” became sensationalized, filling the void by providing emotional intensity without proximity, tenderness without vulnerability, and connection without contact. Eventually, yearning became the safest, most digestible form of intimacy we could consume.
As the trend took off, yearning transformed from a cinematic trope into a cultural expectation. Suddenly, the “performative man” became a cultural phenomenon, and men who are in touch with their feelings are more desired than ever, as evidenced by the success of shows featuring such characters. While this archetype feels refreshing, it has reshaped what romance is supposed to look like. When yearning became the gold standard, relationships began to feel like they should unfold with the cinematic intensity of a Netflix series finale.
This is where unrealistic expectations in romantic relationships may creep in. With young adults emerging into the social scene post-pandemic, they are undeniably stained by the fantastical promises that love should feel overwhelming, gravitational, and intentional. But actual relationships are far less cinematic and far more — in a lack of a better word — practical. They involve scheduling, miscommunication, small conflicts and fights, and awkward conversations that ultimately form the un-asesthetic parts of intimacy that never make the final cut.
When yearning becomes the standard, normal relationships can feel disappointingly ordinary, and ordinary may begin to look like a flaw rather than a natural part of regular relationships. Young women, especially, may internalize that passion must always be intense as proof of real love, which is rarely ever the case. This isn’t foolish; it is a byproduct of how the media has redefined romance by packaging longing as the purest form of devotion.
Yet, there is an important nuance to the popularization of male yearners. While unrealistic standards may have been set for men in romantic relationships, the trend also reflects a genuine desire for emotional depth that women are having. If anything, the recent popularity of yearning men is a reflection of how low emotional standards have historically been for men. Today, women seek partners who are expressive, attentive, and emotionally present. Surveys have shown that women rank emotional stability and maturity as one of the top traits they desire in a lifelong partner. These are not unrealistic expectations; they are healthy ones. The yearning craze simply dramatizes this need, wrapping it in period costumes and wistful glances.
On the other hand, female yearning has existed just as long as male yearning, but rarely dominates pop culture in the same way. This is primarily because while it is out of the gender stereotype for men to show emotional vulnerability, women have long been labeled as naturally emotional, and thus not considered culturally unique when yearning is expressed. Popular tracks like “I Love You, I’m Sorry” by Gracie Abrams, or “The Subway” by Chappell Roan, and classics like Jane Eyre are prime examples of female yearning. Yet, female yearning rarely inspires the same collective swooning as does male yearning in the media. Although that might be the case, female yearning is still powerful and complex, and often extends beyond romance, channeling the desires for independence, success, or personal ambitions. The craze over yearning is not limited to women, and people across genders crave emotional depth. However, there is a significant fixation on male yearning that female yearning never reached in comparison.
The ultimate question here becomes if the craze over yearning men is a problem — the answer is no. There is no issue with people wanting emotional depth in their partners; the problem only arises if yearning becomes the only expectation. Yearning should not overshadow the equally important traits to sustain love, and a partner should not need to stare at their love interest like they are the only source of sunlight in their life. However, partners need to be expected to communicate needs, apologize sincerely, and be present consistently.
Overall, the yearning-man phenomenon tells us something both hopeful and cautionary. On one hand, young women are raising their standards and refusing to settle for emotional detachment, indicating a positive cultural shift that leans towards empowerment. However, it also reminds us that if we let fictional longing dictate our expectations, we may overlook the quieter, steadier forms of affection that make relationships real.
Yearning is not bad. It is beautiful, poetic, romantic, and also incredibly fun to watch. But in real relationships, yearning is only the prologue, not the plot. No relationship should be dictated by a TikTok filter, and no man should be subjected to hours of staring longingly into the distance.
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